i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
