I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
