I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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