All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
