i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
