I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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