FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
