RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
