oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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