life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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