Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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