I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
