I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
