a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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