Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Randomize
