I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
