Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
