I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
