Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
