I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
