He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The uberlube is also flammable
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
