Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
