Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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