Banned from zoo.
Again?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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