so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize