Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
