You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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