so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize