What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
