Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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