all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You dont lie about slip and slides
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
