Kiss
Puke
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
