If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
nutella sex= disaster
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
