Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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