How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
