i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize