there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
