I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
