YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
