I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
