from now on my penis is your penis
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
