im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
