pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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