my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
