YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you are never too drunk for berry picking
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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