Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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