It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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