i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
