I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
