i think i have two assholes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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