I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
