Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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