If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
