i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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