I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
