I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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