we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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