Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize