i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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