im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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