I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
