So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
