Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
