I wish I could punch you in the face.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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