His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize