okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
