He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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